(Without Ethel) Escapade

By: Jackie DeBucci

While talking to Hope and Paul, I remembered a Kemper story (by that I mean it could only happen to a Kemper.)  I have a story that I wrote about the incident so I decided to share it on our Web page. 

CLATTER, CLABBER, CLAMOR, CLANGOR, UPROAR, SILENCE, CLATTER, GLADDER, CLAMOR, CLANGOR, UPROAR, SILENCE. . .

I leapt from my bed as I vaguely realized some terrible, loud racket was burning into my ear drums. When my feet landed on the floor I ran to the door, of my hotel room, and peaked out into the hallway. Beams of light flashed across the hallway like listening in the middle of a thunderstorm. What is going on? Is it a fire, should I jump out the window? I could do that, I'm on the main floor. What should I do? I looked at the clock. 

CLATTER, CLABBER, CLAMOR, CLANGOR, UPROAR, SILENCE, CLATTER, CLABBER CLAMOR, CLANGOR, UPROAR, SILENCE. . .

I picked up the phone but didn't know what number to dial. I tried to see the number for the front desk, but my eyes were blurry and I didn't know where my glasses were. Slam, slam went the phone.  "Damn," I said out loud. 

I looked into the mirror and saw that my hair was sticking straight up, I mean straight as a pencil, into the air. "Damn," I said out loud.

I looked down at my feet and realized I had no shoes on. I remembered I put them in the closet. I crawled into the closet on my hands and knees and bumped my forehead on the wall. It was to dark and I couldn't find my shoes. As I stood up I grabbed my suitcase for balance. It wasn't shut so everything flew out all over the floor. "Damn," I said out loud.

CLABBER, CLATTER, CLANGOR, UPROAR, SILENCE, CLATTER, CLABBER CLAMBER, CLANGOR, UPROAR, SILENCE . . .

I grabbed a pair of shorts from the floor and pulled them on over my nightgown as a ran around in circles, like a monkey in a cage. "Damn, damn, damn," I said out loud. 

I pulled the door open a speck and peaked out again. This time I didn't see the lightning, but the noise seemed twice as loud. As the door shut I ran across the room and picked up a blouse. I put it on over my night gown. "Damn," I said out loud, as headed back to the door, opened it, ran out into the hallway and down to the check-in desk.

When I reached the desk all of the clerks were on the various phones. I was the only person standing there. I saw myself in the mirror behind them and immediately put my hand on my head to flatten the pencil hairs on my head. I had my cloths on with my nightgown, and no shoes on my feet. I wanted to run back to my room but realized I had locked the key inside, so I couldn't get in.

My vision stretched across the hall to the continental breakfast area. What I saw made my face deep scarlet. Very calmly and leisurely families of all shapes and ages were eating their donuts and drinking their juice or coffee. I wondered if they were deaf or if I was hearing things. 

It was then that I realized the alarms had stopped. I tried to crawl inside the pole next to the check-in desk. My arm was getting tired of holding my hair down and my feet were cold. A friendly household worker came up to me and asked me if I needed help. I looked at her with a does-it-look-like-I-need-help face. I could feel tears forming on the inside of my eyes. 

Someone in the room next to mine had set off the smoke alarm by accident. There was no fire. 

My new found friend lead me back to my room and opened the door for me. I couldn't open the door with one hand on my head and the other holding my blouse shut over my nightgown. "Will you be all right?" she asked. 

I shook my head yes, added a thank you and closed the door. I leaned my back on the door and slid softly to the ground landing in a crumple on the floor. Damn, I said out loud. 

I looked at the clock I had been up 3 minutes.