By Coleen Kemper

As you all know most of us in the family carry something known as the "Kemper Curse", for some unknown reason, you can be sure there will be bad luck occurring within a 50 mile radius from where ever a Kemper is located. Often, when you tell your story to a non-Kemper, you will hear reactions like: "I never heard of that happening before", "Are you sure you are not making this up?", "You have a better chance of being struck by lightning!", and the all too familiar "Was you family ever part of a top-secret government experiment?" Ahh yes, it is like music to our ears, isn't it? If you carry the Kemper blood, you can be sure you have heard one of these phrases at least once during your lifetime. So here we go....

During the winter of 1997, my dad decided to treat Kelly and I to a nice relaxing vacation in Miami, Florida. Ahh, what a great idea! Warm weather, sandy beaches, and a great time. We couldn't wait! We also planned a one day cruise from the coast of Miami to the Bahamas. What could be better? (yea, that's what we thought, too) To set the mood, let me tell you about the weather. When we arrived in Miami, it was raining. We stayed in the city for a few days, and did the typical sight seeing things. It was still raining. 

On the third morning of our trip, we had to board our cruise ship at 6:00 a.m.. But we didn't mind, since we were on our way to the beautiful Bahama's! Since it had been raining consecutively for 4 days, the waters were a little rough. Well, let me rephrase that, the waters were a lot rough. So rough that almost every passenger was throwing up. Almost everywhere. People were vomiting over the balcony, in the trash cans, in the bathroom sinks. Everywhere. (Kelly slept the whole time) Because the waters were so rough our 2 hour trip turned into a 4 hour trip. Almost all of the passengers on the cruise ship were sitting in one central location, the room where all of the live entertainment performed. Lucky for us, we had an employee of the cruise ship who kept us updated in regards to travel time. While he was informing us that the waters were not that bad, he was being tossed all over the ship. (I wasn't sure if it was the motion of the ocean, or the vodka on the rock he was drinking at 6:00 a.m. that was doing it.) 

When we finally arrived in the Bahama's we were given passes by the staff and were strictly directed not lose these passes. This was our way back into the United States of America!! O.K., no problem, we can handle that.  I mean, we're Kemper's after all, right? Because our journey took so long to get to the Bahamas, or actual visit on the island only lasted about an hour and a half. Oh yea, it was still raining. 

When it was time to go home, we got back to the ship and began walking up the ramp. The next few second seemed to happen in slow motion. As my dad reached into his front shirt pocket to retrieve our passes to get back into the United States, disaster struck! He lost his balance and tripped on the ramp! OUR PASSES TO GET BACK INTO THE UNITED STATES FLEW OVERBOARD, AND FELL INTO THE CARIBBEAN! I hopelessly watched as our U.S. citizenship fluttered down into the black abyss below. 

I thought this was the end of living in America, but to my relief, because this horrific act occurred in front of the ENTIRE staff of the cruise ship, they took sympathy on us and let us back on the ship. That was only after every single staff (and Kelly and I) member regained composure after a fit of hysterics.  The remainder of that evening was a blur. I only recall person after person after person greeted us that night with the same recurring question: "Aren't you the ones who threw your passports overboard?"

And the Kemper Curse strikes again!

Paul adds:

Coleen left out the part where we drove to Key West (in the rain) and I got a speeding ticket on the way back. I got mad and hollered at the cop and both girls thought I would be arrested and executed. However, that did not happen. Ub la dee la da.